have you ever been in love?
what was it like?
like growing flowers in my chest and
forgetting to pull out the weeds. and i learned
that you cannot kiss laughter into someone the
same way you can talk stars into their eyes. and that
love will always start like a summer
breeze, and end up leaving you feeling like the dead
1. I’m sorry you were so high we both had to help each other to bed the first time I met you. But you told me afterwards that loving me was its own kind of drug, and I never found your stash of cocaine again. If I want to get high again, you said, I’ll kiss you so full of powdered sugar neither of us will be able to tell the difference.
2. Remember that one time the chunky peanut butter ran out, but no one put it on the grocery list? Well, that was me. I felt so bad afterward that I left you a gift. Remember when a bouquet of yellow roses was delivered to your office? Yeah, that was me too.
3. You asked me if I believed in reincarnation, and I said yes, so you asked me who I was before. I said maybe I was a seance, and you said then you were every single candle that kept me burning.
4. After we had sex we both felt ugly so we kept all our clothes off and looked in the mirror. You kissed my cellulite and I traced your stretch marks with my lips. We’re so badass, you said. We held hands and our flaws held hands too.
5. In Nevada when we stopped by that one gypsy town, I threw a coin in the wishing well for you when you weren’t looking and wished that you would quit smoking.
6. You said that maybe the reason Adam and Eve couldn’t keep their hands off each other was something like the reason why after you started Prozac you wanted to have sex all the time. But you could never achieve an erection long enough for us to finish anything, so it usually ended up with both of us lying on top of one another, trying not to cry.
7. The human heart weights approximately 7-10 ounces. Once I wrapped up all the pickup lines you’d ever sent me in the shape of a heart and massed them. The one time last year you tried to kill yourself by jumping off your aunt’s roof, your heart was so heavy it weighed you down.
8. I think our scars were friends in a past life.
9. We went out for coffee and the barista spilled hot water all over your palms. For days afterward I felt myself burning up at your every touch.
10. You want to know how come the suicide hotline operator knew your first, middle, and last name by heart? I’ll tell you why. Because I called them up beforehand so we could practice how to make sure you’d stay.
When I spoke to you
for the first time,
my tongue stumbled
over itself, and its meaning
became one that is
hardly recognized by most.
But you understood
what my mouth was
trying to say, and that’s
when I knew that we were
going to create something
that not everyone
would be able to depict.
this is how we heal.
i will kiss you like forgiveness. you
will hold me like i’m hope. our arms
will bandage and we will press promises
between us like flowers in a book.
i will write sonnets to the salt of sweat
on your skin. i will write novels to the scar
of your nose. i will write a dictionary
of all the words i have used trying
to describe the way it feels to have finally,
finally found you.
and i will not be afraid
of your scars.
i know sometimes
it’s still hard to let me see you
in all your cracked perfection,
but please know:
whether it’s the days you burn
more brilliant than the sun
or the nights you collapse into my lap
your body broken into a thousand questions,
you are the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen.
i will love you when you are a still day.
i will love you when you are a hurricane.